i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
