Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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