just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.