god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.