I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.