In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.