Don't you send me to vm
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You've changed since you got that strap on