I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?