my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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