last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
