Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
