I think i sorta joined a cult last night
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
