I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Everything about him screamed your future.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
