In the future we'll all be gay
Quick, to the slutcave!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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