She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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