her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
