1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
