What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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