I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
