How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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