My sheets look like a crime scene.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
