Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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