There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
