someone threw a dead crab at me
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
