It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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