After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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