Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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