Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
