Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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