im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
