I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
