the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
