The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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