there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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