I will die if light touches me.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
