my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
