My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
