How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Someone signed my nipple.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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