So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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