my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He uses pillows to masturbate.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
