There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You're earring is so big in my mouth
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Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
All I want is dick and wine.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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