my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize