he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
