did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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