We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
