After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
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All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
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as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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