How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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