I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
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