i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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