morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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