He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
