Dual....:-)
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
