Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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