I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
