Your dad touched me again.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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