Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
