Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
