No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
