i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
