im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
