By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
