Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
