i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm getting married
To pizza
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
