Are we in a gay sports bar?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
