We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
